


Seven Days of the Week

by simply_writings



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, First Time, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, NHL Draft, Nolan's sister makes a cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 06:51:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11549793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_writings/pseuds/simply_writings
Summary: Nolan remembers everything to do with Nico.





	Seven Days of the Week

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't go in order of the days of the week, but in order of the NHL schedule. Nico is an asshole in this, which I'm sure he's not in real life. A Penguins player says some homophobic stuff and as before, I'm sure he's not a homophobic person in real life; it just follows the timeline. There's underage drinking so if that's not your thing, press the X at the top of the page. And Nolan kinda outs Nico?
> 
> -  
> I haven't written anything in 3 years so be patient with me! I may make this into a series? I also skimmed through to check for grammar errors, spelling mistakes and mistakes via past tense vs present tense I may have missed; so there may still be some mistakes (I'll be fixing them as I reread through it)!
> 
> -  
> If you know any of the people in this fictional story or take part in this story, please also press the X at the top of the page and carry on like you never saw anything!

Nolan goes second on a Friday.

He's happy regardless of whether he went first, second or two hundred and eleventh. He's been drafted into the NHL, a dream of which he had since he could pick up a hockey stick.

The rest of the draft went by in a whirlwind of pictures, autographs, interviews and approximately twenty minutes spent with his family. Everything was a blur to Nolan with all the flashing lights and repeating questions he had just lost track of time. If you were to ask him if he remembered any of it, he'd probably say no.

The one thing he did remember though, was Nico pulling him into a hug, away from their families and the media and asking him which room.

Nolan has sex for the first time on a Friday.

-

Nolan lied. He remembers two things from Friday, the question from Nico and the way Nico looked at him with a smile on his face as he pushed in. The way he could feel Nico smile against his neck as he told him it was the best night of his life. Hell, Nolan remembered everything that had to do with Nico.

Nolan wishes he didn't remember Nico freaking out the next morning.

"We're in the NHL Nolan, this can't happen." Nico said as Nolan was putting his boxers back on.

Nolan turned around to see Nico's back to him as he was getting dressed.

"What?"

"You can't be gay and be in the NHL. That's not how it works."

Nolan can see Nico's reflection from the mirror on the wall, his face shows no emotion.

"Not how it works? You didn't seem to have much of a problem with it last night when your dick was in me."

Nolan remembers how Nico sighed and finally turned to face him.

"This. Us. We can't happen. Last night, it was a mistake. The high from the draft is all it was. I'm not gay. You're not gay. It shouldn't have happened."

Nolan also remembers losing it.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get the hell out of my room."

"Nolan, don't."

"Get the hell out of my room Nico. Now."

Nolan remembers pushing Nico to the door. Fighting back other words and tears from pure anger. Nolan remembers the look on Nico's face as he slammed the door in it. Nolan also remembers sitting in the shower for 45 minutes crying.

Nolan remembers everything to do with Nico.

~

Nolan comes out on a Wednesday in August.

Well, comes out the world. His family knew for a while now.

At least he went first in something.

-  
"So you're gay?" an older gentleman asked him.

"Bisexual." Nolan enunciates after saying the word plenty of times before his question.

"You're attracted to both men and woman?" another reporter asks him.

"Yes." Nolan clarifies for what felt like the hundredth time.

"So you're confused?" a guy in the back of the room asks.

Nolan, rolls his eyes, gets up and walks away.

-

The lake was home to Nolan afterwards. He got no service so he couldn't check social media or responded to the numerous text messages and voicemail's he knew were waiting for him. It was nice. Just him, the lake and the occasional boater.

His sister joins him a week later.

"You can't hide up here forever you know."

"I'm aware Maddie. Training camp starts in a week." Even with his sunglasses on, he hopes his face shows how annoyed he is with the obvious statement.

"Everyone is worried about you. You just upped and vanished."

"Just taking in the last few days of peace and quiet before I get to Philly and everyone starts caring more about who I'm sleeping with than how I play on the ice." Nolan pushes his sunglasses up so he's looking at his sister. "Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I should have just stayed quiet."

"And let Nico be right?"

"This isn't about him being right or wrong," he says sitting up. "I guarantee there are other players in the league hiding who they are. It's just- it's the fact that we're made to feel like there's only one possible scenario. You can't be gay and be a professional athlete."

A few seconds later he adds, "That made it seem like I'm trying to prove him wrong didn't it?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm trying to prove everyone wrong. To prove that a man can like men and still be a professional athlete. That we're just as masculine as the straightest straight man out there."

Maddie laughs, "Straightest straight man?"

"Shut up. You know what I mean." Nolan laughs, for the first time in a long time.

"Never change Nolan, never change."

For the first time since his announcement, Nolan feels like everything will be okay.

~

Nolan scores his first goal on a Tuesday.

It's against Nashville and it's a fucking beauty if he says so himself.

And if he's a little more hyped on the ice than he should be than oh well.

But as to be expected, the press group asks not about his first goal in the NHL, but about being the first bisexual player in the NHL to score a goal.

Nolan wants to scream "Because nobody else feels comfortable coming out!" and "Are you fucking serious?" but bites his tongue and replies "It's great to score my first goal and help the team get the W. Excited to head back to Philly with the win and play our first home game of the season in front of the fans."

Yeah, maybe Nolan is a little too media trained.

-

Stephanie from media relations finds him afterwards, "You handled that well."

"Trust me, I had other things I wanted to say, but my mother raised me well."

"Just saying, keep up the good work. People will eventually get the point and stop asking about it. You're no different than before." she says with a small smile and walks away.

Nolan leans back against the wall and slides down it while pulling his phone from his pocket. He smiles at all the congratulation texts from friends and family. The best one of all is from Maddie of course.

"'You can't be gay and be in the NHL?????' HAHAH FUCK YOU NICO!"

~

Nolan hears the first homophobic slur on the ice on a Monday.

He's actually quite surprised it took nearly two months for someone to say something.

-

Philadelphia and Pittsburgh hate each other. That's a fact. So when things get nasty, it's to no ones surprise.

Nolan though, is caught off guard when the comment is made.

The hit was 100% clean but still resulted in a scuffle afterwards, which Nolan stays out of. He hears it then, as he's skating towards the bench.

"Because he's a fag he gets away with this kind of shit?"

He whips back around to see Ian Cole yelling at the ref.

A crowd of 'hey!' and 'you fucking serious?' comes from behind Nolan. Two guys nearly hop off the bench before being put in a near choke hold to keep them from doing something stupid and getting penalties.

Cole receives 2 minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct and Nolan feels numb for the rest of the game.

-

Giroux finds Nolan in the back of the bus after the game. With his head on the window he can still see the reflection of him sitting down in the empty seat next to him.

"What's going on up there?" Giroux says flicking Nolan's temple.

"My sisters would say not much." he jokes, not really wanting to have this conversation.

Giroux chuckles softly. "I know I haven't really said anything, and it's kinda shitty since I wear the C and all, but if you ever want to talk about it or anything, I'm all ears. You don't have to keep it to yourself. I've got your back, we all do. I'm probably the last person you want life advice from, but whenever, wherever, talk and I'll listen."

He's still staring out the window, hoping Giroux can't see the fact his eyes are starting to have a glisten to them. "It fucking sucks," he closes his eyes trying to regain a somewhat decent composure. "I didn't think it was going to bother me this much, but it does. It's just fucking words and it bothers me. I'm a damn hockey player and a word bothers me." He leans back in the seat, still not facing his teammate. "How fucking weak."

"Hey," Giroux nudges his shoulder. "Weak? You did something no one in the league had the balls to do. You've been proving all the homophobic pricks wrong. They think all hockey players have to be straight to play the game? Look at you, leading all rookies in point and fifth in points total in the whole league. If you ask me, that's fucking hockey. You have every right to be upset, you're still a human with emotions. Being able to express them makes you more of a man than the next."

"It just sucks." Nolan says, turning his attention back to the window.

"I get it Nolan, I do. I'm going to be honest and say I don't envy what you're going through. I do though, have a whole ton of respect and admiration for what you did and how you're handling everything. I'd probably be suspended for the entire season or worse if I was in your situation. You're a strong kid Nolan, anyone who can't see that is blind. Just know you're not alone, no matter what you think. This team has your back."

Nolan is hoping that Giroux gets the 'vibe' he's giving off that he's done talking about it. As nice as it is to hear someone say the things he's said, he just wants to be left alone to his thoughts, even if they're demeaning.

"We got you okay." Giroux says, patting his knee and getting up to head back to the front.

~

January 13th falls on a Saturday.

-

The media, to no surprise has the 13th of January circled on their calendar. The first meeting of the first and second draft picks is apparently a big deal to everyone. Nolan could honestly care less. Just another team standing in the way of two points.

"Nolan vs Nico, part one!" Simmonds yells as they enter the locker room for morning skate.

Nolan rolls his eyes and goes back to putting his gear on. "I get enough of that shit from the media man. I don't need it from my own team."

"Come on, you even said it yourself in interviews, you're buddies. It's just fun, the media does it to everyone." Giroux says taking his seat in the stall next to Nolan.

"Yeah, look at Crosby and Ovi, ten years later and people are still writing about their rivalry. Media needs something to grab at." Konecny says from across the room.

"Yes, the media. I don't need to hear it from guys in this room." Nolan snaps and grabs his helmet to head out onto the ice.

-  
Nolan is laying face down on his bed in the hotel when Giroux walks in. "Travis let me in."

"I'm trying to sleep before the game." It's muffled from his face being in the pillows, but he hopes Giroux go the gist of it.

"And I'm trying to keep the team from attacking one another," Nolan hears the other bed creak with the weight of Giroux sitting on it. "I don't care if you don't want to talk about it, but we're going to talk about it. You go from this happy guy, to rightfully upset in the back of the bus, back to happy and then snapping at the guys on the teams for cracking a joke. What's going on in your head Nolan? I don't know what else I can say to get you to talk to me."

"I'm just tired-" Nolan begins to say when Giroux cuts him off.

"I get it, your rookie season is exhausting Nolan but-"

"No, I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I tired of the fact that it's been 5 months and all anyone still wants to talk about is my sexuality. I'm tired of that always being the first question out of everyone's mouth. I'm tired of the comments made out on the ice because nobody can come up with an original chirp instead of calling me a fag." Nolan finally sits up and faces Giroux. "But most importantly, I'm tired of feeling the way I do about Nico. I hate the fact that after everything he's said and done, I still feel the way I do about him. I just wish the feelings would go away and I can move on to someone who isn't embarrassed about me. I just want it all to go away."

Giroux is quiet after that and it makes Nolan feel like he should've just stayed quiet. When he does finally speaks, he looks like he's a deer in headlights. "Um, Nico? Like the guy on the Devils?"

All Nolan can muster is a small nod. He feels like an idiot after saying everything he did.

"Uh, so you guys were a thing or something?"

"No," This conversation is far more uncomfortable than when Nolan came out to his parents when he was 16. "We slept together, the night of the draft. He-he woke up the next morning and freaked out. Said gays can't be in the NHL, that what happened was a mistake." Nolan gets up from the bed and starts walking around the room, pissed. "He was the one who came to me, not that I didn't want it to happen. But he was the one who asked for my room. You know how it fucking feels to be told what happened was a mistake? The first time you have sex with a guy and he says 'oh, that was a mistake'! Do you know how it feels?" Nolan's crying now, feeling like an idiot for believing in something that he should've realized wasn't real. "It sucks. To think a guy like Nico would actually want me and then be told it was a mistake. And then not being able to get over it. Fucking sucks."

"I-" Giroux starts and stops. "I don't even know Nolan, what to say. I can't imagine how you feel or what it felt like to hear those words. I know it feels like you can't move on from it, but you can. You can't rush it. You have every reason to be upset and to feel like you've been used. But one thing I do know, is it gets easier. You may not get over it, but you can move on. Whether it be to a guy or a girl, you can move on. Let yourself be pissed and sad. Then go out and just live life. If you're gonna let him ruin this for you, you're not as strong as I think you are."

-

From the very start, the game was a shit show.

Forget about the fact that they allowed 3 goals in before the 15 minute mark in the first was reached. Nolan was greeted by the crowd in the most unoriginal way. He expected some signs regarding the draft ranking, but signs pertaining to his sexuality, that was a first. All this made him pissed off far more than he was 5 hours ago. To top it all off, Hakstol had him on the wing this game instead of center and they had just iced the puck, bringing out Nico's line.

"Thought you were a center?" Nolan looks to his right to find a player who's face he's never seen before, some recent call up. Rather than answering him, he just turns his focus back to the dot where Giroux is lining up to take the face-off against Nico.

"You confused about your position on the ice too? Guess we gotta call that bipositionality."

Before Nolan knows what he's doing, someone is pulling him off the guy and pushing him away. His hand is throbbing and covered in blood. Nolan has people yelling at him from the stands and on the ice, John Moore being held back from absolutely pummeling him and Giroux yelling in his ear to stop trying to get away from him.

Nico's just standing there with his back to him, helping his team hold Moore back and all Nolan wants to do is yell. Yell at Nico, at the prick bleeding on the ice, at the fans in the stands. He's just wants to yell.

But he just skates off the ice and walks down the tunnel, holding everything in yet again.

~

Nolan isn't necessarily proud of it, nor does he really remember doing it.

Nolan drunk dials Nico on a Sunday.

-

He blames it on the team. They're the ones who forced him out after an easy 4-0 win over the Jets. All Nolan wanted to do was go to bed early since the game was in the afternoon.

So here he is, 3 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday after one too many shots and a weird cocktail drink that is still burning his throat, calling Nico.

"Hello?" The voice over the phone is scratchy and Nolan is far too happy that he woke Nico up than he should be.

"You're a prick you know. You're the guy fathers warn their daughters about." Nolan lets out a laugh.

"Um, Nolan?" Nico sounds more awake than he did when he answered 30 seconds earlier.

"You're the epitome of a hockey guy. You get someone into your bed, have sex with them and then you're done. Fuck and dump Nico, that's what you do. You don't care about their feelings. All you care about is getting off." Nolan really hopes he's not slurring too many words.

"Nolan, that's not-"

He cuts Nico off. "No, you don't get to talk. You're the one who caused all this. You fucked with me, you fucked me over Nico. You made me feel worthless. I've been called so much shit since August. But none of it-none of it comes close to making me feel the way I did the morning after we had sex." Nolan wishes he wasn't crying right now because Nico isn't worth his tears. "To hear the first guy you had sex with say you're not gay and that gay people don't belong in the league. That will never compare to being called a fag on the ice or having stuff thrown at me when I walk down the tunnel to head to the locker room."

"Nolan please. I'm sorry okay. I'm so sorry." Nolan doesn't believe him. He's only sorry because he's being confronted.

"I used to wish I never said anything. That I just kept my mouth shut and maybe I'd be happier. But then I realize that I'd be even more miserable because keeping quiet is what people want. I'm not embarrassed to be who I am or that I'm attracted to guys. I'm not going to hide myself away to please people. I'm comfortable with who I am and I'm proud of that." Nolan knows he shouldn't, but he does. "It's you who I feel sorry for. Lying to yourself, telling yourself you can't have hockey and still be attracted to guys. I hope you get to the point where you're comfortable being who you really are and not have to lie to yourself and everyone else. Because no matter what insult has been thrown at me, I wouldn't trade being me, being real, for the world."

"Nolan, I-" Nolan hangs the phone up before Nico can even finish his sentence.

And for the first time in a long time, Nolan feels happy to be who he is.

~

The Flyers miss out on a playoff spot.

And it sucks.

It sucks even more that the reason they missed out was they had one less regulation win than the Senators. Fuck technicalities.

The team goes out and gets wasted as per tradition in the NHL; or so he's been told.

Nolan knows he's gonna hate himself in the morning. But he successfully finished his first NHL season, played in every regular season game and proved every homophobic asshole wrong, he deserves to get far too drunk for your average 19 year old.

-

Nolan really does hate himself in the morning. He hates the person who decided they could knock on his door at the ass crack of dawn (1 in the afternoon) even more.

Nico shows up on his door step on a Thursday.

-

Every fiber in Nolan's body tells him to just slam the door in his face. For him to go back to bed and sleep for the next 3 hours. He does, he really does and he almost did; but when Nico asked him if he could come inside, Nolan manages to say yes.

Nico looks around Nolan's apartment before glancing back towards him and sitting down on his couch. "Sorry how your season ended. Shitty way not to make the playoffs."

"What do you want Nico?" Nolan was in no mood, regardless of whether his head was pounding, for small talk with Nico.

"For a chance to explain, to apologize in person."

"You don't have-"

"I do," this time it was Nico's turn to cut Nolan off. "You deserve that. You deserve so much better Nolan. You called me at 3 in the morning and everything you said was true. I treated you the way that fuck boys treat girls. My sister would kill me if she found out what I did to you because she warned me if I did that to anyone, she'd have my head. I know it doesn't make up for what I did, but I was scared. Not just for me but for you. I projected that onto you and you didn't deserve that. The thought of us being together in private to me was far worse than just pretending to be straight."

Nolan finally walks over to the couch where Nico's sitting. "That literally makes no sense."

"Trust me I know, it took me a while to realize how ridiculous that logic was." Nolan could see the slight smile across Nico's face. "I've hurt you Nolan, I knew that from the second you kicked me out of the hotel room in Chicago. I was scared then and I'm still scared. I'd pull up Google everyday and search your name, hoping that there wasn't going to be an article about you and a guy. I'd see the articles about a player getting fined or suspended for a slur used on you. Finding out there was one of those guys on my team, it made me furious. I don't know how you handle it so well."

That causes Nolan to laugh, hard. "In case you don't remember, I knocked a guy's face in. Like right in front of you. If it wasn't for Giroux holding me back, I probably would've jumped you too."

Nico is completely turned towards Nolan, with a smile on his face. "Wouldn't blame you. Hallsy chewed him out in the locker room while the trainers were still working on his face." Nico goes silent, glancing at his hands, the floor, anywhere but Nolan.

Nolan would have loved to see that, but that's beside the point. "I'm not sure if you came here expecting me to just forgive you because you apologized and realized you were wrong, but I don't know if I can Nico. Everything that's happened since June made me realize things. Forgiving you just because you showed up at my door would mean I learned nothing."

"I get it," Nico takes a deep breath and lets it out. "I didn't expect you to. I do hope that with time, that you'll forgive me though. Or at least think I'm not some homophobic asshole. And look, I'm still not comfortable with coming out to the public, hell I'm not even comfortable coming out to my family, but you know and I think that's okay for right now."

Nolan doesn't need a mirror to know the look on his face screams fond. "If that's what you're comfortable with Nico, than it's more than okay. Rushing something like this isn't the right way to go, trust me. When you become comfortable with yourself, you'll know. We've been brought up to think a certain way and it'll take time to break it. You have time, a lot of it."

It'll take time for Nolan to trust Nico, he knows that.

But they have time. 24 hours a day, seven days a week worth of time.


End file.
